What Brings You to Therapy at This Moment in Your Life?

This is one of the first questions I ask new clients. People say all sorts of things. Heartbreak. Communication Issues. Job loss. Infidelity. Addiction. But a common theme that runs through each person's story is a feeling of being stuck.

Stuck in anxious rumination or depressive thought or angry reactivity. Stuck having the same fight over and over with their partner or parent or boss. Stuck in a pattern of destructive behaviors that distance them emotionally and sexually from their lovers. For many of us, the worst part of being stuck is that we end up feeling hopeless and alone.

Emotionally focused therapy can help identify and disrupt these negative patterns that hijack your life and erode your relationships. Together we can surface the fears and longings that underly the moves that keep you stuck. And we can take steps toward strong and secure emotional and sexual bonds with others and a sense of competence and capability in your self.

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Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, Individuals & Families

Let's start by grounding ourselves in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the primary model I use with clients and a model that is widely considered the "gold standard" for relationship counseling due to its high success rates and long-term effectiveness of its interventions. Its core principles are supported by systematic research that links in-session processes with outcomes, a rare achievement in psychotherapy research.

EFT starts by acknowledging that humans are social mammals, biologically hardwired to create and maintain strong emotional ties with our partners and loved ones. This means we all have basic human needs for connection and that secure relationships not only help us thrive, but are actually necessary to survive the challenges that life presents.

When our connections are threatened or frayed, we often resort to coping strategies like criticizing or shutting down that trigger our partners into their (often least effective) coping strategies and push our loved ones away. These negative interaction cycles over time can erode the attachment between romantic partners, corrode family ties, and tank your sense of self.

EFT works by identifying and de-escalating our negative interaction patterns and helping clients to safely express vulnerable emotions, ultimately creating secure attachment bonds and more resilient and positive relationships with self and others.

EFT couples and family therapy typically unfolds in three main stages:

De-escalation: The therapist helps couples identify their negative interaction patterns and de-escalate conflict, creating a safer environment for exploration.
Restructuring Interactions: Clients learn to express their underlying emotional needs and fears in new, more secure ways, which helps reshape their interactions and builds stronger bonds.
Consolidation: Clients solidify the gains made in therapy, integrating their new understanding and emotional responses into their relationship and building tools for long-term health.

EFT for individuals is also grounded in attachment theory, an extensively researched science-based theory of personality, growth, and relationships. I love how Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, describes what happens in the process:

"The therapist sends a clear, intentional message that each client is seen and safe in session so they can go to the edge of familiar experience. Then, in stepping past numbing, denial, or reactivity, the client can explore what feels frightening, alien, or unacceptable. They explore with the therapist the 'order' in their lives, discovering patterns in how their key inner experiences or interactions with others are constructed in ways that lead to either growth or dead ends."

If you’re looking to manage emotional challenges and improve your relationships, EFT is a great match for you. It’s about building stronger connections, understanding self and each other better, and fostering emotional health, all of which are key to a happier, more fulfilling life.

Sex Therapy

I treat individuals and couples for all sorts of sexual challenges. Pain during intercourse. Inability to orgasm. Traumatic experiences. Interests in consensual non-monogamy.

But the most common complaint I hear is about "desire discrepancy" or a mismatch in desire. Many people have, or develop over time, a different level of desire for touch, sex, closeness or intimacy than their lovers. This difference, while normal, leaves folks feeling broken and alone.

I approach our sex therapy treatment from a sex positive stance and view sexual health, sexual identity and pleasure as an important parts of life. I follow the PLISSIT model of sex therapy. The letters in the name refer to the four levels of intervention that we may use to address your sexual concerns or to improve sexual intimacy or functioning.

Permission: I give and seek permission to talk about sexual issues in a safe, comfortable, non-judgmental manner. Clients always have the choice to talk or not talk about aspects of their sexual experiences.
Limited Information: I may provide education and resources on sexual health or functioning that we deem relevant to your interests or challenges.
Specific Suggestions: I may recommend techniques or interventions to address your particular challenges or help you achieve sexual fulfillment.
Intensive Therapy: We will explore the biological, psychological and socio-cultural factors factors that underly your challenges.